An Asexual Perspective on Sex Dreams

I’ve been wondering about asexual perspectives on dreams for a while now, so was very excited when Constance Bougie introduced the topic. More specifically, I wanted to examine asexual perspectives on sex dreams.

According to AVEN, the majority of asexual people do not have sex dreams in the traditional sense, or only very rarely. However, some do report sexual themes appearing in their dreams in other ways.

I fall into the latter category, having experienced more indirect encounters. Though in my case, I would probably consider them to be nightmares.

Most of them consist of me being chased by people who are trying to have sex with me. And me, of course, running away from them. In all honesty, this isn’t too dissimilar to my waking life, so it’s not hard to see where this is coming from.

There are times, however, when I have imagined myself making out with someone. But we are always interrupted by someone barging into the room before things go any further. The rest of the dream is then spent trying to find some privacy. By the end of it, I’ve completely forgotten about the sex altogether.

This one is perhaps a little bit more difficult to interpret. However, I believe it is reflective of the time when I found myself unable to express my sexuality to others. This is because I was worried that it would leave me feeling exposed and unsafe in my waking life. Which, going back to my previous point, isn’t too surprising in those circumstances.

Ironically, since coming out as asexual, these types of dreams have pretty much subsided. I think the reason behind them was my subconscious calling it to my attention. After dealing with these issues in my waking life, there isn’t much need for them any more.

Even so, it’s very interesting to think about how sex dreams are experienced differently by asexual and allosexual people. I know it is a bit of a personal topic, but I would love to hear your thoughts if you’re happy to share.

3 thoughts on “An Asexual Perspective on Sex Dreams

  1. I’ve had similar dreams, as well, and it’s interesting to see others talk about them! I don’t think I’d even be opposed to having more sexual or sensual dreams, but they never really get there – they get cut off, or I wake up, or they’re sort of physical in a way that feels less embodied and more like… spirits mingling together, lol. Ditto the being chased dreams, though, unfortunately–both types just make me realize, I think, how much I’d appreciate, if I ever did have a partner of any kind again, someone I wasn’t constantly worried would cross boundaries I’d set out.

    (I haven’t done much reading at all on others’ dreams/sex dreams, but it’d definitely be interesting to dig into further, esp. in light of that AVEN quote you start out with!)

  2. I used to regularly have rape nightmares, until I got self-defense training and then they turned into badass “beat up the rapist with my awesome moves” dreams.

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