I’ve been wondering about asexual perspectives on dreams for a while now, so was very excited when Constance Bougie introduced the topic. More specifically, I wanted to examine asexual perspectives on sex dreams.
According to AVEN, the majority of asexual people do not have sex dreams in the traditional sense, or only very rarely. However, some do report sexual themes appearing in their dreams in other ways.
I fall into the latter category, having experienced more indirect encounters. Though in my case, I would probably consider them to be nightmares.
Most of them consist of me being chased by people who are trying to have sex with me. And me, of course, running away from them. In all honesty, this isn’t too dissimilar to my waking life, so it’s not hard to see where this is coming from.
There are times, however, when I have imagined myself making out with someone. But we are always interrupted by someone barging into the room before things go any further. The rest of the dream is then spent trying to find some privacy. By the end of it, I’ve completely forgotten about the sex altogether.
This one is perhaps a little bit more difficult to interpret. However, I believe it is reflective of the time when I found myself unable to express my sexuality to others. This is because I was worried that it would leave me feeling exposed and unsafe in my waking life. Which, going back to my previous point, isn’t too surprising in those circumstances.
Ironically, since coming out as asexual, these types of dreams have pretty much subsided. I think the reason behind them was my subconscious calling it to my attention. After dealing with these issues in my waking life, there isn’t much need for them any more.
Even so, it’s very interesting to think about how sex dreams are experienced differently by asexual and allosexual people. I know it is a bit of a personal topic, but I would love to hear your thoughts if you’re happy to share.
Like most asexual people, it took me a while to understand my sexuality. As a kid, I always assumed I was too young for that kind of thing, so I never gave it much thought. I was always slightly bemused when my peers would make sexual comments, but I thought…Keep reading…